As The Clubhouse Turns: 2014 Derby Presented by Yuck! Brands . . .

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  • carolinarkansascarolinarkansas hot springs, arkansasMember
    Markinsac.....I just caught up with the story last evening....my hubby just kept asking me why I was "cackling" ....his word...as I said once before...you have a sick mind...and I mean that in the nicest way...love it!
    ....
    sarinne....I agree with Mark....you have talent....
  • Markinsac.....I just caught up with the story last evening....my hubby just kept asking me why I was "cackling" ....his word...as I said once before...you have a sick mind...and I mean that in the nicest way...love it!
    ....
    sarinne....I agree with Mark....you have talent....
    Thank you, carolinarkansas -- you are very kind! :-)

  • Hmmm...thinking about a personality for Tapit. A joker but not a mean one. Always thinking of something to do or pull on somebody. Loves the ladies and likes them too! We know he likes Guinness; can get really silly if he has too much.
  • Hmmm...thinking about a personality for Tapit. A joker but not a mean one. Always thinking of something to do or pull on somebody. Loves the ladies and likes them too! We know he likes Guinness; can get really silly if he has too much.
    Good ideas. And he could sidekick with Mr/Mrs Front like Bernie and Curly do..... That was my thought this morning.

  • That sounds interesting, kind of a practical joker personality, that actually sounds like me, but I'm not nearly as lucky with the ladies as these hams are. And Carolina, you might be cackling at Rachel's next party.
  • markinsacmarkinsac Member
    edited May 2014
    RACHEL: CURLIN! CURLIN! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?

    * * *

    TRACK ANNOUNCER: They're rounding the far turn and it's California Chrome taking the lead!

    * * *

    ZENYATTA: Come on California Chrome!

    QUEEN FRIEDA: The people need you!

    * * *

    KING WOLFGANG: Wicked Strong, where are you?

    HONOR: General A Rod, start marching!

    * * *

    RACHEL: Curlin, say something . . .

    * * *

    TRACK ANNOUNCER: Coming to the finish line, California Chrome is well in front, he's going to win the Kentucky Derby Presented by Yum! Brands!

    * * *

    ZENYATTA: He won!

    QUEEN FRIEDA: Yippie!

    * * *

    KING WOOLFGANG: There goes my legacy!

    HONOR: There goes my !@#$-ing money!

    * * *

    ZENYATTA: Let's go tell the king the good news . . .

    QUEEN FRIEDA: No we can't, if he knows I bet on California Chrome, he'll just confiscate the money . . .

    * * *

    (As Rachel attends to Curlin, King Woolfgang walks over)

    KING WOLFGANG: I'm not feeling well, I'm getting queasy, I'm . . .

    (King Wolfgang falls to the ground unconscious)

    * * *

    MABLE: Rachel, what happened?

    RACHEL: They must have got to Curlin in the bathroom, then the King collapses . . .

    (Mable's eyes start shifting . . . )

    * * *

    QUEEN FRIEDA: Let me go cash the ticket and hide the money in my purse . . . the people and horses of my kingdom have been saved . . .

    ZENYATTA: You go girl . . .

    * * *

    (Honor walks up to Rachel, the fallen Curlin and King Wolfgang)

    HONOR: What a lousy day, General A Rod loses all of my money, then . . . what's wrong? I'm feeling funny, queasy. . . .

    (Honor falls to the ground, unconscious . . .)

    TOMORROW: THE FINAL CHAPTER



  • Actually that should read:

    TRACK ANNOUNCER: They're rounding the far turn and it's California Chrome taking the lead . . .
  • markinsacmarkinsac Member
    edited May 2014
    I predict the next comment will be from Rachel, she's such a talker!
  • RachelRachel Member
    It is, its the little gear wheel that shows up on the top right corner of your post
  • see what I mean?
  • RachelRachel Member
    Bahahaha, just trying to help
  • thanks for pointing that out, I was just kidding, and thank you for helping out.
  • RachelRachel Member
    Tis what i do, help out
  • (the crowd moans, Curlin, King Wolfgang and Honor lay on the ground unconscious)

    VERTI: What's going on here? Everybody's dying. Who's next?

    SCOOP: Somebody call a doctor.

    DR. PROWD: I'm here at your service, no wait a minute, you are here to serve me . . .

    QUEEN FRIEDA: What are you talking about doctor? Or at least that's what you call yourself. I've never trusted you, but as the leader of my kingdom, I shall banish you from our soil . . .

    DR. PROWD: Think again Queen Einstein . . . according to the Royal Proclamation, the Queen shall inherit the throne first but only if she has a child from the King. If not, then the Royal Horse shall inherit the throne, but only if he is married and has a foal. If not, then the King's physician and the Royal Horse's physician are next in order. I am their doctor, please courtesy for me . . . Queen Frieda . . .

    ZENYATTA: Oh no!

    QUEEN FRIEDA: Peter you are so evil, I've always known this. What did you do the King, Honor and Curlin . . .

    MABLE: I'll tell what he did . . . right before the Derby, the doctor, Honor, Curlin and the King held a toast. I saw the doctor drop a pills into three of the shot glasses. One glass he left alone . . .

    QUEEN FRIEDA: Peter, you poisoned them, didn't you? That's a crime!

    DR. PROWD: You're worrying over technicalities. I can give myself a pardon, madame Frieda. I forbid you to be called the Queen.

    (the crowd moans)

    RACHEL: Curlin! Curlin first they gelded you, then they poisoned you . . .

    WAR FRONT: Well they tried to geld him. I was hiding in the gelding's bathroom. I thought it was safe in there, I was tired of getting hit apon. I saw Curlin, Honor and the doctor enter. The doctor pulled out some big ugly scissors! So I turned around right before they were going to do the dirty deed and kicked the scissors then I kicked the doctor's butt.

    RACHEL: Thank you War Front. At least I can bury Curlin with dignity.

    MABLE: Oh I don't think you have to bury Curlin at all . . .

    (the crowd moans)

    DR. PROWD: What you talking about madame server?

    MABLE: I think Curlin just passed out because he's drunk . . .

    DR. PROWD: No, I gave him a cyanide tablet, along with the King and Honor. Only I drank the virgin shot glass . . .

    MABLE: But remember when I reached over to give each one of you one of those annoying bar napkins . . .

    DR. PROWD: Yes, and you were annoying . . .

    MABLE: Well, silly me, I swung the tray of shot glasses and let Curlin drink the virgin glass . . .

    DR. PROWD: WhaaaaaT! You couldn't have . . . oh no! I'm feeling queasy . . .

    (the doctor falls to the ground unconscious. The crowd moans)

    RACHEL: Curlin is it true you're just drunk? And the evil doctor didn't operate on you?

    CURLIN: What happened? (Curlin stands up)

    RACHEL: Appearantly you were saved by that horse over there (pointing towards War Front)

    CURLIN (still drunk): Wow, and she's a hottie. How about you and me go make some beautiful music together . . .

    WAR FRONT: Oh no! Get away . . .

    (Curlin starts walking towards War Front who turns and starts running)

    CURLIN (chasing): Come back, you saved my life, now I'm going to save yours . . .

    (Rachel is dumbfounded)

    THE END
  • Bravo! Bravo! Excellent story; best yet!
  • carolinarkansascarolinarkansas hot springs, arkansasMember
    Great!
    have you been seeing all the articles on CC....half of them think he is bay and one even called him a mare....more fodder
  • RachelRachel Member
    yup, Mr Front is just giggling at the typos for Califronia Chrome

    Califorina Chrome on his saddle towel
    Called a mare in an article i posted
    and now hes bay
  • A bay? A mare? Just win the Preakness!
  • markinsac are you planning on doing a story about the Preakness?
  • Probably not. It's a lot of work, but maybe I'll do something shorter. I'd like to save the big mystery for the derby
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