My story that i am creating

Hey guys I am writing a story about a thoroughbred racehorse that I came up with. The setting is set two years after California Chrome won the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness Stakes, and in the story he won the Belmont Stakes. The 2015 Kentucky Derby is mentioned but the actual setting is 2016. Here is part of the first chapter called The Beginning. i was typing this on a notepad so it is formatted weird sorry about that please tell me what you think.
1 The Beginning
* Mystery In The Fog is in a good position on the outside he is posed really well and could be a threat.
As they aproach the far turn Remember Shiloh is the leader followed by Catch Me Alfie and then
Mystery In The Fog is starting to move, as the field turns for home in the Kentucky Derby the favorite
Mysery In The Fog has toke the lead and hes pulling away, Mystery In The Fog is in front by 5 Nigh Crawler
is closing on the outside but it is still Mystery In The Fog. And Mystery In The Fog is gunna....*
"NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!" I sat up screaming. I looked around and realized that I was in my room. I lied back
down until my door flew up and in walked my mom.
"Sweat heart whats wrong? Did you have the same dream again?" my mom asked me as she wrapped herarms
around me. My only response back to her was me nodding my head.
"Aww Layla, its okay." my mom said getting up off of my bed. "You might want to get up we are going to
go and meet up with Todd, he has something to show us."
I knew that I would be okay, I have been having that dream for the past year especially at the beginning
of the year when the three year old Thoroughbreds are starting their quest towards qualifying for the
Triple Crown races. The 2015 Kentucky Derby always ends the same way for me. Mystery In The Fog was my
first Thoroughbred that actually qualified for the Kentucky Derby. He was a chestnut horse with a white face
with the white going around his eyes and he had four white stockings. His sire was the great Medaglia D'Oro and
his dam is named Love The Chase who wasnt really a racer but is a great broodmare. Yes Love The Chase
is the mother of the very popular horse named California Chrome which made Mystery In The Fog a half brother of
him and even though horse people say that they arent half siblings if they dont share the same mother
my little sister Kendra who is 5 always use to say that Mystery In The Fog has two great half siblings
one being of course California Chrome and the other being the great mare Rachel Alexandra.
A few hours later
"Mom, where are we going?" I asked sounding annoyed.
"To meet up with Todd like I said he has something that he needs to show us, or actually its more for
you." she replied back.
"Mommy, mommy, sissy, sissy I see Todd, I see Todd." Kendra said as we turned into Todd Pletcher's barn
where he was standing infront of it. Yes Todd Pletcher is our families horse trainer he has been our only
trainer for about 6 years.
"Hey, Layla how are you doing?" Todd asked as he hugged me.I could tell that he knew that I wasnt okay.
I know its hard it was a horrible day on May 3, 2015 I know that."
"I'm fine Todd, but when it gets around to that time of the year it is hard especially after what happened
to Mystery In The Fog." I quietly replied back. Sorry i forgot to mention what had happened in that
horrible Kentucky Derby last year. Mystery In The Fog was the favorite going into the Kentucky Derby
undeafted on the turf and the dirt. He turned into the stretch and was leading by 5 lengths as they
came down to the final furlong Mystery In The Fog broke down he went head of heels he had broke his
cannon bone and his ankle there was nothing that they could do he was put down right there on the track.
"Want to see what I have to show you?" Todd asked. We all nodded as he lead us into his stable
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Comments

  • RachelRachel Member
    Needles?

    drugs?

    what does Pletcher have to show everyone after a horse breaks down.....
  • so wait could you explain that maybe a little bit more in detail cause this is just a fiction story that i am making up what could i do to kind of show what he does after Mystery In The Fog breaks down?
  • i will probably retype this so it doesnt look so weird i was just typing it into a note pad my word document wouldnt load
  • I think some formatting/proofreading/editing is in order before going any further with your story. There are a lot of resources out there to help inexperienced writers
  • RachelRachel Member
    I was just picking. Pletcher has racing violations. Most notibly what happened with Kauai Katie, gave her lasix and she was unfit, caused her to have Thumps. Which made her perform poorly in the Vagrancy. Once a horse has gotten Thumps, its likely they will get it again.

    I will say the story is a nice one. Proof reading and spell check is what is needed. But its fine, a little on the sad side with the sudden breakdown, but its your story
  • well the story gets better i have an idea were i want to go with the story it isnt going to stay sad i am going to edit it in word and and the breakdown kind of goes along with the dream that is in these ** but the main character wakes up before you find out what had happened but then she goes ahead and tells the audience.
  • caseycasey any racetrack with camera in handMember
    If you want to write a story, great. But please, learn to use grammar, punctuation, spelling and contractions properly.
  • Don't be hard Casey, she's doing just fine.
  • caseycasey any racetrack with camera in handMember
    I'm not being hard, Mark. It's very difficult to follow a story when there's no punctuation, the spelling is wrong. I was actually going to recommend she come to you for suggestions as you do write well and your stories are easy to read.
  • You actually read my stories, Casey? That's surprising.
  • If you want to write a story, great. But please, learn to use grammar, punctuation, spelling and contractions properly.
    letting you know I was typing this on a word pad so I was not really paying attention like I said I was going to retype it on a word document and then post it.

  • markinsac would you give me some helpers? I need to retype this and post it up here i changed somethings. I also need some names for rival horses for the races and I do not know when some of the races are that are leading up to the Kentucky Derby like the Wood and all of them.

  • caseycasey any racetrack with camera in handMember
    yes @markinsac, I do read your stories. I think they're entertaining. Just because we don't see eye to eye on most things doesn't mean I don't read your stuff.
  • i need contender names for four of the prep races and then i am not really sure about what some of the prep races are i know the Wood & the Santa Anita Derby i need two more
  • That's nice to hear. Well then, ZR and Casey, I'll do a story, pay close attention to it and the grammar . . .
  • RachelRachel Member
    If you look up kentucky derby prep races, it brings u to the KY Derby website and gives u a whole list of the preps
  • okay well anyone want to help come up with rival race horse names for me?
  • Good luck with your story! I'm interested to see how it turns out. There are lots of discussions about name suggestions for Coz, Zi, and Princess Z. I bet you could get some good names from there for your rival racehorses.
  • true thank you Horselover24
  • SHOULD KYLEA DESTROY THIS THREAD TOO?
  • what? i am confused
  • KetaKeta Member
    markinsac thinks that you are not a real person.
    He thinks that you are really me talking.
    Sorry ZenyattaRules1121 but you will probably get messages like this
    wherever you post anything. So, know that it is not anything you are doing.
    Keta
  • caseycasey any racetrack with camera in handMember
    ZR, markinsac believes your persona is part of a trap/conspiracy to get him in trouble. He does not believe us when we tell him no. I'm sorry you are being dragged into this.
  • i am a real person. this is so stupid i am not even doing anything
  • KetaKeta Member
    No you aren't doing anything. So please continue your story.
    Keta
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